


The Devil You Know and the Devil You Don't

by ChariKard



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, I have some words for you Atlus, Lala Escargot is a confidant, Lala was just part of the scenery, Ohya doesn't make me want to rip my hair out, Ohya's confidant was my least favorite, Part of my ongoing mission to fix Atlus' homophobia, Ren is in drag at the end, So if Atlus isn't going to make their own characters likable, Some lingering resentment from playing the game for the first time 3 years ago, Then I will goddammit, and then Royal gave me false hope with ONE extra scene with Lala in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28168443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChariKard/pseuds/ChariKard
Summary: Ren hits a snag while trying to strike another deal. He thought Ohya's news stories were enough and yet something prevents him from getting closer with her. After trying to fix the situation before he starts wasting his time, he discovers a new friend and confidant. The proprietor and bartender of the Crossroads, Lala Escargot.(Or 'I had to make myself like my least favorite parts of this game and the easiest way to do that was with Lala')
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	1. Rank 1

“Alright then, it’s a deal. I can give a lot of positive PR for the phantom thieves, so be sure to give me some good scoops,” Ohya smiled cheerfully. Ren smiled back, awaiting the familiar voice that tended to echo in the back of his mind after striking a deal of this nature. But it didn’t come. He glanced around, puzzled, hoping it was just a delayed reaction. But nothing happened apart from Ohya shouting. “Okay, Lala-chan. Time to celebrate our agreement!” She raised her nearly empty glass and took a swig before placing it down and grimacing, “but first...a bathroom break.”  
He gave a hushed muttering as Ohya mouthed something under her breath. She stumbled through a back door while the bartender, Lala Escargot chuckled lightly.

“She’s gonna be in there for a while. You should probably go home,” she teased as she headed around to the other side of the bar. “Come, I’ll walk you out.” Ren appreciated the gesture, following the drag queen to the exit. She held the door open as Ren walked into the empty walkway bathed in neon light. Ren stepped out into the street and turned on his heels to say goodbye, expecting Lala to still be at the door. Instead, she was still close behind him, concern on her face.

“You’re a strange kid, you know that? Coming back to my bar in the middle of the night to talk to a drunken reporter.” She sighed, eyeing the floor for a moment. “It’s suspicious, to say the least.” She flashed a knowing look, “be honest with me. You didn’t come here just for the atmosphere, right?”

Ren furrowed his brow. He knew Lala was worried about him being exploited but he didn't expect to be called out on his true motives so soon. There was no way she knew the truth. They'd known each other for less than a day. He kept his expression still, asking Lala to elaborate. “What are you saying?”

“I guess the reason doesn’t really matter,” she shrugged. “But I'm going to keep an eye on you. And if you’re gonna be coming down here often I’ll need to set some ground rules.” She paused, waiting for Ren to respond, which he did with a nod. “Well, there’s really only one. No drinking for you, especially if Ichiko offers you some of hers. I know she can be...charming when she’s drunk but that doesn’t mean either of you can be breaking the law under my roof. Understood?”

Ren wasn't exactly interested in partaking in any alcohol, at least when he was on official Phantom Thief business, which was practically always. He supposed that it also applied while under the supervision of adults who cared about his well being. “Yes ma’am,” he agreed with no contest.

Lala smiled and exhaled as if she half-believed Ren to argue. “Good, then it looks like your deal is safe.” In the back of his mind, a voice echoed, barely audible, the familiar voice he expected to hear earlier. Why it only reared its melancholic tone now, Ren wasn't sure, but he was thankful his time at the Crossroads wasn't a complete waste.

“You handled her pretty well back there,” Lala continued. “I was afraid she was gonna use you but you managed to hold your ground.” She turned on her heels and waved Ren away, “Well I’ll be looking out for you regardless. You should get home before some vagrant spits in your face or something.” It was an unconventional goodbye, but it fit with such an unconventional personality as Lala Escargot. Ren thanked the bartender, as she returned inside. He could already hear Ohya exclaiming for more booze.

He chuckled at the pair. It wasn't every day he met someone as interesting as Ohya, and Lala was similarly a pleasant surprise. He was prepared to befriend one person, but it appeared that fate intended to add a bit of challenge this time. Not that he believed any of it a nuisance. Ren enjoyed a good challenge.

* * *

Rank Up!

Rumor-Filled Scoop: Decreases the Security Level when Ren finds a new Safe Room

* * *


	2. Rank 2

“What’s taking so long, Lala-chan? Where’s my drink!? Do they call you Escargot ‘cause you move as slow as a snail?”

“We’re all out of booze.” Lala shot Ohya a stern glare, “A certain sloshed reporter drank it all”Ohya twirled her empty glass with her fingers. “Can’t you just buy more? I’ll wait for you...forever.” She snorted, “Just kidding! Ahaha!” Ren laughed along. As forced as it was, Ohya didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't mind being humored.

From under the bar, Lala pulled out a designer purse and a wallet from inside that. She took out a handful of coins and a few bills, placing them in front of the drunken reporter. “Here. There’s your cab fare. Now you can't use that excuse on me.”

“You spoil me, Lala-chan.” Ohya smiled, grabbing the cash and stuffing it in her pocket.

“You called a cab?” Ren questioned, not recalling either of the bar’s occupants doing so.

“Always do,” Lala answered with a pained expression, a combination of annoyance and concern. “I don't trust her to navigate the subway so late and so intoxicated. Plus, I've got her tolerance memorized at this point that I know what drink she should be heading home at.”

“And that’s why you’re the best!” Ohya slurred, getting up from her seat. She glanced over at Ren, her head swaying to an imaginary slow dance. “I’ll try to tone it down, my little PI.” She started her mostly stable walk to the exit, lifting a hand in a backward wave. “Seeya Lala-chan. And don’t skim me out of more alcohol next time.”

“Didn't you just say you'd tone it down?” Lala’s question was mostly rhetorical. Ohya either couldn't answer or didn't want to. As the reporter slipped out the door, Ren sighed. Something about the interaction he had with Ohya was lacking. He wasn't used to talking so much and not feeling...some kind of mysterious power, or whatever that fortune teller he saw called it. He would have been disappointed for a night wasted, but then he remembered a night previous.

His eyes lit up and darted to Lala just as she began speaking. “Hey, you done staring into space? I wanted to talk to you for a second.” He suppressed a smile and nodded. The bartender exhaled, “About our conversation last time you were here. I need to apologize. You seem like a good kid and I doubt you needed me to forbid you from drinking in order to stop you from doing so.”

Ren didn't take any offense with that characterization. It was accurate after all. But sometimes he needed to have a little fun. “I’m an alcoholic,” he joked, earning himself an eye roll from Lala.

“Cute,” she crossed her arms. “I’m only letting you get away with that jab because Ichiko isn’t here,” she chastised. Ren internally cursed at himself. He forgot that a joke about alcoholism might be in poor taste at a bar. He slipped out a weak apology. Lala waved it off. “Don't worry about it. I know you didn't mean it to be offensive.” She paused, eyeing the liquor bottles in front of her. “Would you let a lady vent for a sec?”

“Go ahead,” Ren wasn't about to stop her.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed but Ichiko has what a friend might call a habit of...drinking too much. I’m that friend if it wasn’t clear. If I wasn’t so close to her, I probably would have called out her drinking problem to her face. But I can’t bring myself to do that. She practically keeps the lights on in this place with her tab alone.”

The concern on Lala’s face manifested itself in her painfully curled eyebrows. Ren did his best with what he knew to try and remedy it. “Why does she drink so much?”

“That’s not my place to say.” Despite not giving an answer to his question, Lala’s expression relaxed. Ren felt a sense of accomplishment at that simple gesture. Lala continued her explanation for her silence, “Everyone has their secrets and I’m not about to delve into ones that aren’t mine. That being said, I’m sure if you talked to her more, she might open up about ‘the incident’. She might even...” Lala glanced around the room. Ren wasn't sure why, but he figured she had an idea of some kind. She grumbled with hesitation, “Now I’m gonna say something that isn’t set in stone but it would put me at ease. If you keep coming here, soften up Ichiko a bit, you think you could help me with her drinking problem? Obviously, I don’t expect a high schooler to do all the work, I just want you to plant the seed. I’ll do all the hard work.”

Ren would be lying if he said he wasn't interested. He went to the Crossroads to help one person, but as time went on it became clear he would need to help at least two. If just talking to Ohya helped both her AND her close friend? Who was he to say no? “What do I get out of this?” Though in classic thief fashion, a deal out of the kindness of one’s heart wasn’t enough. He figured it was the reason he was in this predicament in the first place. If only Ohya had something better to offer than PR at the start of it all.

“You get to help an aging woman and her friend of course,” Lala teased. “But I guess that’s not exactly the reward you had in mind, huh?” She cocked an eyebrow, before letting out a lighthearted giggle. “How about this...I’ll treat you to some of my skills, maybe even let you make some good money working for me. Does that sound more fair?”

Ren saw his school bag twitch from the corner of his eye, a telltale sign that Morgana believed the deal would help in more ways than one. Not that he needed the cat’s approval, but it did put any reservations he had aside. “You’ve got a deal,” he declared.

Lala scoffed, “A deal? Now it doesn’t have to be that official. Though I do like the sound of it. Alright, a deal it is then.” The mysterious voice he was looking forward to echoed in the back of his head, a sign of a job well done.

* * *

Rank Up!

Crossroads: Allows Ren to work at the Crossroads which increases a random Social Stat

* * *


	3. Rank 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know this is the third chapter. Yes I know it's inconsistent with the confidant rank. No, I do not care. (I do actually but I have to skip ranks because Ohya's skills exist just not in the fic and even though I can technically change the order and I already did a little AS LONG AS IT MAKES SENSE TO ME THEN ITS FINE)

* * *

Well, I guess that’s it for today,” Ohya sighed, looking to her companion, Ren. The two had just gotten through an encounter with Ohya’s boss through a simple game of deception. It was a spur of the moment decision, and Ren was more than glad to leave it in the past. Ohya must have agreed since she was already waving goodbye and headed towards the station. “Don’t stop in any weird shops on your way home, okay?” she teased, earning a half annoyed glance at the back of her head. “See ya later.”

Ren watched as she disappeared into the distance behind the pedestrians enjoying Shinjuku’s nightlife. Normally, he would have walked with Ohya to the station, but this time, as was to be expected, something was urging him to stay, an inkling of unfinished business seeping its way into his mind. 

“Hey!” the rumble of Lala came from behind. Ren quickly turned to her, the bartender standing in the doorway of the Crossroads. “We need to talk,” she directed, gesturing with a whip of her head for Ren to come closer. Lala never struck him as intimidating, but with her tone of voice and sparsely lit silhouette, he couldn't help but feel concerned. He was prepared for a harsh talking-to as he stopped in front of Lala, but the first sounds out of her mouth eased any worries he had. “Ugh, I was worried she was going to do something crazy and it looks like I was right.” The corners of her mouth drooped as her tone morphed into genuine concern, “That woman will say anything sometimes. I hope she didn’t bother you too much.”

Ren was thrown for a loop. He couldn't wrap his head around why Lala would be so concerned for him. It wasn't like he and Ohya actually had some sort of relationship. Plus, acting was fun. He figured Lala would have understood that especially if he brushed it off like the joke he thought it was. “I like pretending.”

Evidently, he was incorrect. “Don’t go saying things like that,” Lala invoked her scolding tone. “It’s bad enough you’re here in Shinjuku at night, but to pretend to be in a relationship with an adult?” She shook her head in disappointment, “You kids nowadays. Though...I guess Ichiko was the one who started it. I’ll need to have a serious talk with her tomorrow.”

With more context, Ren understood what Lala’s problem was, and he didn't disagree. But what he still didn't get was why she had such a moral investment in his safety. “Why are you worried about me?”

Lala’s eyes exuded a sarcastic air, “Honey, I’ve lived a long life, longer than you at least, and I’ve been through some things that no one should have to. Ichiko might not see a problem with just a bit of acting, and her Chief might not see a problem with your whole display in general, but I do. As much as you might believe you’re mature enough, you shouldn’t go around messing with adults. The two of them are supposed to be role models and by letting what Ichiko did slide, they are being the exact opposite.” Ren could tell Lala was holding back some anger. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I got a little heated,” she assuaged along with opening her eyes. “I didn’t mean to give you a lecture. If anyone needs one it’s Ichiko and that scumbag she calls a boss.”

As much as Ren already concurred, he was glad to have been educated. At least he knew one other adult that cared about him beyond his physical condition. He was still a curious teenager, however, and what might have been a slip on Lala’s part piqued his interest. “You’re speaking from experience?”

What started as a grumble turned into a chuckle from Lala, “Look kid, I don’t like talking about my past and I’d very much like to keep it that way.” Ren knew Lala didn't mean that as a complete dismissal. And even if she did, she had a right to her privacy. There was a brief pause, followed by Lala giving the smallest morsel of information. “Let’s just say there are some men out there that should be in prison but aren’t and leave it at that.”

Ren knew if he poked any further, the conversation would turn sour. Instead, he chose to lighten the mood, as best as he knew how. “Maybe the phantom thieves will get them.”

“Ha!” Lala chortled. “We can only hope. Well, I kept you long enough, you should head home. Oh and if you ever want another life lecture, my bar is always open.” Ren nodded, a familiar solo of a whispered voice bouncing around his brain. “See you later, hun,” Lala waved, heading back into her bar. He would definitely be coming back. He needed to know the aftermath of Lala’s lecture with Ohya.

* * *

Rank Up!

Dragged: Allows Ren to attempt negotiations immediately after an ambush

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I have beef with Atlus? That Lala is my outlet for the blatant homophobia that was Ohya's romance AND no male option? I kept it pretty subtle I think :)


	4. Rank 6

“I think I’m gonna have to ease off my investigation for a while too. I don’t need any more eyes on me. But I might be able to ask some of my coworkers for help. Journalists will do anything for a scoop.” Ohya took one final swig from her glass, “Now then, I’ll take any tidbits, you have for me today. Hope you don’t mind if I get back to drinking though, this whole conversation really sobered me up.”

Lala sighed, pulling a bottle from the shelf behind her and pouring a generous amount into Ohya’s glass. Said reporter lifted it in no time, sipping from it as Ren regaled her with mostly accurate stories about the Phantom Thieves. While he recalled their most recent Mementos mission, he noticed Lala’s demeanor was different than he was used to. She seemed more distant, less personable, and frankly, he was more concerned about her than any of the words coming out of his mouth. Ohya scribbled down notes, interspersed with a quick drink, all with Lala in the background, downcast and in her own world.

Eventually, Ren ran out of up to date material and Ohya’s glass ran dry. With that day's deal complete, the two parted ways, the reporter lifting from her seat and wishing goodbyes to Ren and Lala, the last of the two barely managing a wave. Ren stayed put. He knew the routine and by the look of contemplation on Lala’s face, now was no break.

“Hey,” Lala spoke, her voice almost inaudible. “Now that Ichiko is gone, there’s something I want to say.”

“What’s up?” Ren questioned, leaning on the counter with more tentativeness than he was used to.

“It’s about Kayo.” Lala stepped closer to him, her eyes glazed over. “I probably don’t have to say this but...whatever happened to her is what caused Ichiko to start drinking a lot more. I know she won’t say it to your face, but Kayo meant a lot to her, and when she disappeared she didn’t have anyone else to go to but me.” Lala couldn't make eye contact with Ren. She seemed distraught or ashamed. Based on the way the conversation was going, Ren assumed it was the latter. “What I’m trying to say is...I’m kind of responsible for her drinking problem. I didn’t know what else to do when she came to me so I just kept serving her drinks. I’ve stopped enabling her as heavily but that doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t help her like I should have. Ichiko deserves a better friend than me.” Lala picked up Ohya’s abandoned glass and examined it with more than her average intensity.

Ren’s sympathy for Lala was on full display in his expression. She clearly felt remorseful, and that should have been enough for her to realize she was being too hard on herself. “You’re a great friend,” Ren assured.

Lala smiled, however short it was, “Kayo was a better one though.” She must have realized how down in the dumps she was because not long after the admission of Kayo’s superiority, she already had an apology ready. “Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to get all down. I tend to get lost in the past sometimes.”

Ren could tell that her mood had changed. Whether she still believed she was an inferior friend was unclear, but he had done all he could to help her in that perception of herself. In a way, he planted a seed that she had to cultivate. An interesting turn of events considering Lala asked him to do so for Ohya. Ren wasn't about to ruin that by continuing down a serious and depressing path. “What about your past?” he asked, mostly as a joke considering how adamant Lala was about keeping that aspect of her life story tapped down.

She saw the humor in it as well, chuckling to herself, “You’re a funny kid. Like I said before, you’re not gonna get any of that out of me easily. I know I gave Ichiko a hard time the other day but that’s because she was looking into your past without your permission. Now if I did that, then maybe you’d get something.”

“Then why don't you ask me about my past?” Ren teased.

Lala giggled, “Nah, you can keep all your demons to yourself. I happen to like keeping all of mine in the past.” Lala placed her hand on her hips, “But I will let you in on some advice I got from my producer from way back when. Something you might find useful. You better not use it to figure out who she is though.”

“Cross my heart,” Ren promised, listening patiently as Lala gave him some advice about seeming more approachable. Some of it was common sense but most of it he hadn't even thought about. Who knew something as simple as posture could make someone want to talk to you more? Evidently, Lala and her former producer did.

Lala never seemed to tire talking to Ren. She gained so much energy from just having someone listen to her. She was hesitant to end the conversation, but she was acutely aware of the time. “You’re a good kid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Ren thanked her, his subconscious racked with an echoing voice. “You should head out before the last train,” Lala suggested, though it came out as command. Ren nodded, picking up his bag and leaving Lala to tidy up the bar before closing. As much as he appreciated the advice Lala gave him, he wanted more. Hopefully next time he could try for some.

* * *

Rank Up!

Drag Enthusiast: Negotiations become easier, additionally shadows successfully negotiated with will give money

* * *


	5. Rank 8

“By the way, everything with the Chief worked out okay, but the higher-ups are still keeping an eye on me,” Ohya swirled the contents of her glass. She hadn't drunk much that evening and it was a welcome surprise to both Ren and Lala. “I’ll need you to keep the juicy tidbits coming! I can’t stop writing about the phantom thieves now!” She took an overindulgent gulp, slamming the delicate glassware on the counter. Lala glared at Ohya, something that went unnoticed by the reporter as she pulled out a pen and notepad from her bag. “Alright, let’s see what you have for me today!”

Ohya’s new attitude was endearing. After so long wallowing in her inability to work freely and drowning in alcohol, her newfound excitement was almost creepy. Luckily Ren was responsible for her change in demeanor and as such expected her to become outwardly grateful. He graced her with more Phantom Thief exploits, most of it hitting ears that hadn't been sober in so long. Ren didn't remember everything he told Ohya. He was lost in her rapid note-taking and concentrated stare. By the time his lips stopped moving, Ohya was already packing her stuff, ready to put Ren’s stories to print. “I can’t wait for next time!” her cheerful farewell punctuated by her practically dashing out of the bar.

Lala watched the door shut with laser precision, turning to Ren the moment the sound of the lock hit. “So I’ve been thinking,” Ohya’s inspiration must have been infectious. Lala hadn't shown such intense focus before. Ren liked it.

“About what?” he wondered, knowing it had to be related to Ohya’s change of outlook.

“A couple of things really,” she began answering. “My past, not exactly something I like doing.” If looks could be sarcastic, Lala’s was definitely the height of facetious. “Ichiko and Kayo...the bar too. You’ve helped Ichiko out a lot just by listening to her and it’s pretty remarkable. She’s been asking for less to drink and seems so much more motivated.” As Ren expected of one of his elders, Lala stared off into space with a wistful expression. She was brought back to reality with the words that followed. “In terms of my past though, I was thinking about my old producer. I mentioned her before. She ran a bar just like this one, only for...more specific clientele.”

She cocked an eyebrow, hoping Ren would catch on to what she was insinuating. He didn't know much about Lala’s ‘scene’ but he could make some assumptions. In this case, he chose the one that was charitable to her producer’s character. “It was a gay bar.”

Lala confirmed Ren’s assumptions with a nod, continuing her diatribe, “I was always intrigued by the idea of doing the same thing as her, but I preferred not drawing attention to myself. But seeing you help Ichiko...it sparked something in me. I think I want to try being a producer.” Lala’s smile lifted weightlessly as the words escaped as if simply speaking would make it real. Ren wasn't sure why Lala was so enthralled by being a producer, but he was excited for her simply because she was. Her further explanation only solidified his perceptions. “I want to help other young people like you struggling to find their place in this world. Give them a place and a person they can come to without fear of judgment. I don’t know, it’s just a thought right now. I need some time before I make up my mind. I’ll also need to practice my makeup game again. I haven’t had to put any on someone else in years.”

Ren admired Lala’s goals. Rarely did he see an adult so passionate about helping the downtrodden and helpless. He didn't think Lala had any reason to be unsure. He hadn't seen Lala so inspired and he wasn't about to let her obvious dream go unfulfilled. She needed time to make up her mind? Sure, he could give her that easy. She needed practice in doing other people’s makeup? That was...not as simple.

Ren knew who he was. He liked women, he liked men, he liked whoever his heart wanted. Knowing that much about himself meant it was only inevitable that he would think about how he expressed his identities. Being around Lala as often as he was, it’s no wonder why he considered experimenting with her versions of expression. Now that he knew she needed practice and he had an interest, he figured now was the perfect time to offer himself up. “Use me,” he declared rather unceremoniously.

“What?” Lala was taken aback. She lowered her head to meet Ren’s level. “Honey, I already told you you don’t have to crossdress. I’m not gonna force you to do that.”

Ren figured there would be pushback from her end. It didn't help that the first night he worked at the Crossroads, he jokingly asked about crossdressing. It earned him a stern but informative speech about what his duties were. Regardless, now he was being serious in his assertion. After thinking about it briefly, he came to the conclusion that the reason Lala didn't want to put makeup on him was that she assumed he was like most of her clientele, heteronormative. If he could imply that he wasn't then...maybe Lala would relent. It was worth a shot. “I’m curious,” he did his best to inflect the words with as much ‘gay energy’ as he could without coming off as insulting.

Lala scoffed, “You’re curious? As if that’s any reason to...” She stopped mid-sentence, furrowing her brow. Ren mimicked her, hoping the tilting of his head and side glance would tip her off before he had to full-on out himself. Lala stared for a few seconds more, before throwing her head back slightly in a knowing gesture. Her face couldn't contain her amusement at the whole situation. She shook her head, “‘Curious’. You kids and your lingo. Okay, I’ll use you for practice, but only for makeup. That’s all I need.”

Ren’s excitement got the better of him as he stood up too quickly, almost knocking his bag with a certain cat companion onto the ground. Lala exhaled humorously, walking from behind the bar to lead Ren. He picked up his bag, whispering an apology to Morgana, as Lala opened the door into the back room. It was rather cramped, most of the space taken up by boxes of alcohol. At the back of that room was another door, one that was wide open. Lala continued into said room, a smaller but more space-efficient walk-in closet. All that was in it were a vanity piled with makeup and a clothing rack filled with colorful kimonos.

Lala gestured with a flowing hand for Ren to have a seat in front of the mirror, which he did, placing his bag at his feet. Lala didn't waste any time, removing his glasses and wiping his face with what he assumed was a cleanser? Frankly, he knew so little about makeup application that the following minutes were a blur of questions that went mostly unanswered by the concentrating artist Lala. Eventually, his look was finished and Lala backed away from him triumphantly. “Not bad for being rusty. Now, give me your honest opinion.

Looking in the mirror was quite a trip. Ren could hardly recognize himself underneath the well-contoured cheekbones and colorful eye shadow. His eyebrows were never so shapely and his nose never so symmetrical. His lips and eyelashes were ever so subtly fuller that he had difficulty telling if anything had happened to them. Overall, he was at a loss for words. All he could muster were amused giggles and “Wow...”

“Still got it,” Lala beamed as Ren admired his face from as many angles as possible. He could hear that same old voice in his head but he was too preoccupied to care. His only gripe was something out of Lala’s control. His hair was one of his distinguishing features and if he wanted to do drag properly, his hair had to change. For now, he was happy with what he had. And he doubted he’d need to convince Lala should he want to be in full drag anyway.

* * *

Rank Up!

Drag Princess: Gives Ren a disguise that prevents him from being targeted by enemy attacks, Lasts 1 turn

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was brought to you by a gay man who longs to do drag but knows nothing about makeup


	6. Rank 9

“I’ll go chill a bottle. Be back in a bit”

As Lala disappeared into the back room to retrieve some cold off-brand booze for Ohya and some tea for Ren, the reporter took the last swig from her drink. While still holding the empty glass, she turned to Ren, trepidation evident in her voice, “Hey so...why do you do so much for me? I know at first it was for the articles but you don’t have any obligation to stay now, you know. Oh let me guess. You’re still stuck on that time I told the Chief we were a couple? Jeez, so naive! That couple act...I hope you didn’t take it seriously.”

Ren was surprised she even remembered that. He figured she would have dropped it after talking with Lala about it, just like did. It made him wonder if she even got chewed out in the first place. “I didn’t take it seriously,” he declared, not hesitating to cock a suspicious eyebrow in her direction.

“Oh good.” Ohya sighed with relief, placing a hand on her forehead and massaging her temples, “Lala-chan already gave me a stern talking to a while back. I couldn’t imagine how she would react if she found out I charmed you.” Ren laughed internally at the insinuation that he was romantically charmed by Ohya. Charmed enough to call her a friend, sure, but she wasn't on the list of people he had romantic feelings for.

“Alright, here you go,” Lala called from behind. 

“Speak of the Devil.” Ohya was already turning around, empty glass outstretched waiting to be filled.

Lala smiled, the bottle she was holding already open and ready to serve. “Oh? You two are gossiping about me? Just cause everything is going your way now Ichiko.”

“Hey, it’s not like that. I would never.” Ohya smirked with mischievousness, bringing the now served beverage to her lips. As soon as the drink hit her tongue, she pulled the glass away, an expression close to disgust plastered on her face. “Hey this is just regular cider!” she complained, earning a reciprocated mischievous glance from Lala, who was crossing over to the other side of the bar.

“I had it chilled already,” she explained. “Plus you need to cut back and it’s safe for the kid to drink too. I’m sure he’s tired of oolong tea anyway.” She pulled out a glass and filled it with the cider, sliding it over to Ren who took no time drinking from it. He was in fact getting a bit sick of tea.

“Ugh Alright, I guess,” Ohya playfully grumbled. She took another sip and cringed as a new adult might cringe at the taste of their first alcoholic drink. She placed the glass on the counter, turning out of her seat. “I’ll be right back, the ladies room is calling.” Did something about apple cider trigger your bladder? Ren took a swig to test the possibility and was met with nothing. He was grateful.

“That woman,” Lala shook her head in humor. “She’s grown quite a bit since you’ve been here. I didn’t think I’d ever see her smile again. And now Kayo is back? I could almost cry.” She wiped a fake tear from her eye, careful not to streak her makeup.

“Don’t cry please,” Ren remarked, mostly because he knew bleeding makeup was not a good look on anyone unless it was intentional.

Lala rolled her eyes, “Aren’t you a charmer. I want to thank you for all you’ve done for my best friend and me...” Her face morphed into a snakelike smirk as her words trailed off, “Phantom Thief.”

Ren’s eyes widened on instinct. He wasn't prepared for his identity to be discovered. That wasn't supposed to happen until Ohya resolved her demons! Because of this, his reaction was muttered as he tried to tie his intricate web of lies by omission in real-time. “...what?”

“Oh come now,” Lala brushed off the weak attempt at denial. “the hearts of me, my best friend, her boss, and plenty of people related to my clientele have changed in some way only after you started showing up and you expect me not to connect the dots? I know how to pick apart details just by looking at people’s faces. You get good at it running a bar like mine.”

Ren was backed into a corner like he usually was when someone correctly called him out as being a Phantom Thief. He trusted Lala with his secret identity but still, he had to have plausible deniability just in case. “So what if I am?” he responded, his best way of confirming Lala’s suspicions without outright saying so.

The bartender caught on, not pushing any further. “I’m not gonna report you to the police or anything. You’ve only ever helped out people who need it. Plus us outcasts need to have each other’s backs,” she threw Ren a smile. “I just have to wonder what a Phantom Thief needs with my life advice. Is it actually helpful?”

Ren couldn't deny that her skills had helped in the Metaverse. They had gotten him out of a few sticky situations in Mementos. “It is,” he confirmed, which was enough for Lala.

She nodded, “If you say it is then who am I to argue.”

Even if her advice had helped in the past, he had some ideas as to what could help in the future. Perhaps she could up his disguise game? It would mostly be an excuse to be put in drag again if he was being honest with himself. Ren enjoyed the makeup but, as he had felt before, complete fulfillment was a world away with just a painted face. Now, having gotten close with Lala and gaining her trust, why shouldn't he ask for more? “Can you give me the next step then?” he wasn't being purposefully vague, but he didn't know how else to word his request.

Lala looked confused, “The next step? What are you...”

“The drag,” he interrupted. “I want to try it out.”

“I really don’t need you to,” Lala raised her hand in a calming gesture. “The makeup is more than enough.”

Ren knew he should have taken no for an answer, but he couldn't deny his drive to express himself beyond what he was socialized to do. To him, the drag makeup was the first and only time he was able to be more than an average teenager. It was the first time he felt he could display his sexuality as it truly was, unconventional to the broader public. It made him feel better in his own skin. “Just one time,” he pleaded, acquiescing to Lala’s hesitation with a self-imposed limit.

“Man you really are persistent.” Lala stared into his eyes, ones that looked vulnerable for the first time since she met him. “Fine,” she relented with a sigh, “I’ll put you in full drag. Just for today though. I don’t need any problems coming from this if I do it anymore.” He remembered Lala’s comments when he started working about labor laws. She shouldn't have to worry about them if Ren wasn't working, but he understood her concern. “And no using my tips just to trick people,” she emphasized with a finger point. “I don’t want to deal with a mess that might cause.”

From the bathroom returned Ohya, her eyes fixed on Lala as the bartender walked from behind the counter.

“Where are you going?” she questioned, taking her designated stool.

“We’re going to prepare a surprise,” Ren answered.

Lala chuckled, “Yes, a surprise indeed.”

Ohya’s attention was drawn to the pair as they entered the back room. “Oh! Don't keep me waiting too long.”

After walking through the storeroom and into Lala’s dressing room, Ren walked immediately to the vanity, only to be stopped by a tutting Lala.

“Hold on, I have to find a Kimono that will fit.” Ren nodded and watched as Lala examined her collection of dresses. He admired the variety of colors and patterns, even more so than when he first was brought to the room now that he knew he was going to be put in one of them.

Lala kept filing through, grumbling the whole time, only stopping once she laid her eyes on a bright blue kimono with a floral pattern. She pulled it from the rack and gazed at it with a kind expression. “Oh, I haven't worn this one in ages.” She turned to Ren, holding it out to get an idea of the fit. Ren stuck his arms out to match the hanging garment, eliciting a chuckle from Lala.

“It’s perfect,” she smiled. “Take off your jacket. Leave everything else on though. We’re not here for accuracy and I don't want you to overheat.” Ren obliged her request, throwing his jacket on the chair placed in front of the vanity. Lala walked behind him and began the fitting process. As his arms were stuck through the sleeves, a thought occurred to him.

“Aren't you worried you’ll get makeup on this?”

Lala pretended she was insulted with a gasp. “Honey, I'm a professional. I can’t believe you think so little of my talents.”

“You're right, I shouldn't have been so presumptuous,” Ren played along, as Lala continued her work. A sudden tug on his waist brought another question to his mind. “Why do you crossdress?” his query filled with unfiltered innocence.

“Why are you asking me to put you in drag? This question stuff is a two-way street, you know.” Lala’s tone was cold. She wasn't wrong, but the two of them had avoided opening up about their pasts for so long that Ren couldn't help but be curious as to Lala’s defining feature. He was ready to apologize for bringing up her one and only contentious topic, but she didn't let him. She must have known how unfair her tone was to a person who never meant her any ill will. “If you want a real answer it’s because it makes me feel comfortable. I never felt right unless I was wearing this wig and this kimono. They let me express myself honestly and the fact that they were for women didn’t matter. For all intents and purposes, I am a woman whether I’m wearing this or not. It’s just easier for people who are judgmental to call me a drag queen.”

The first peak into Lala’s past and it made Ren upset with himself. He didn't often refer to Lala often outside of the Crossroads but when he did, whether it was in his own mind or to his other friends, it was always as a drag queen. That's how he perceived her and she never corrected him. He never had to acknowledge the possibility that she was more than that and while addressing her as ‘she’ in every instance was good, it didn't erase the connotations that came with calling her a drag queen. Drag for him was just an ultimate form of transgression, something he strived for at every turn since becoming a Phantom Thief. To Lala, it was identity affirming and the closest she could get to being her authentic self. “Sorry,” Ren whispered. “If I knew you were-”

Lala cut him off, “Don’t worry about it kid. Being called that stopped hurting me over a decade ago. I know who I am and I don’t give a damn what others think.” Her response eased Ren. Knowing that Lala held no bitter feelings about people misidentifying her, while it didn't clear up all his worries, allowed him to move on so he could improve his behavior for the future.

Lala, with one final tug of a knot, stepped back and admired her handiwork. “That looks wonderful on you,” she complimented, Ren playfully waving his hand in mock embarrassment. “Now, ready for the rest?”

Ren was about to nod in approval when an idea came to him. He shuffled over to his jacket and pulled out his cellphone, opening his camera and taking a picture of himself. If this was going to be the only time he was in drag, he wanted to catch as many memories as he could. That included a picture at each step in the process. Lala crossed her arms after the second pose Ren made. She cleared her throat, “If you’re done collecting pictures of yourself...” she walked over to the chair and swung Ren’s jacket over her shoulder. Ren put his phone down on the vanity as well as his body in the chair. He shimmied so he was facing Lala and readied himself to be her canvas.

The process was as he remembered. A lot of wiping, a lot of powder, a lot of streaking, and a liberal amount of glue on his eyebrows oddly enough. After a handful of excruciating minutes of being still, Lala leaned back with a hand to her chin.

“I don't have an extra wig, unfortunately, but...” She studied Ren’s fashionable bedhead and soon, inspiration struck. She picked up a can of hairspray and a comb, doing her best to get Ren’s hair kempt enough to pass as the hairstyle of someone who cared. It didn't take much more than a few strokes and enough spray to keep his hair from ruining the look Lala was going for.

“And...done,” she exhaled with one final brush. “Now, before you complain, this is the best I could do with what you gave me,” she teased, Ren giving her a side-eye as he looked to the mirror. Apart from the eyeshadow color, the makeup was practically identical to his previous exploit. And, even though his hairstyle was barely changed, Lala managed to transform it into an androgynous set of layers with some simple styling and added volume. He was surprised she was able to pull it off with his notoriously difficult waves.

“It’s amazing,” Ren was awestruck. He could barely believe his reflection was his own. He had to resist the urge to touch his face to make sure he was underneath.

Lala patted him on the back, “Ready to strut your stuff? Let's hope it’s just Ichiko out there. And hope she appreciates my hard work of course.” Ren almost broke his neck with how fast he stood up. He was more than ready to reveal his new self. As he rushed towards the door, as best as he could with his new outfit, Lala trailed behind, humming triumphantly. Ren waited patiently for Lala at the door to the bar but she was clearly teasing him by walking as slowly as her namesake. Ren clicked his tongue, enough reaction to get Lala giggling and walking faster.

As she wiggled her way behind him, he pulled the door open, posing to a mostly empty bar.

Ohya twisted the stool to see whoever aggressively opened the door. She was mid glass lift when she was stunned to stillness. “Ooh,” she smirked, “Lala-chan, you still got it I see. You already found your first person to produce.”

Lala pushed herself past Ren, speaking as she returned to her post behind the counter. “Not at all. He just wanted to try it out. Well honey, do you get it? Feel any different?” her question oozing with pride.

Ren posed as Lala often did, hands in his sleeves and chin up. “I feel like I can take on the world.”

Lala and Ohya laughed, “I didn’t realize your makeup was magic!” Ohya joked, looking to the bartender, “You better give me some to take home.”

Lala rolled her eyes. “Oh,” she vocalized, pulling her hands out of her sleeves. She reached for the jacket over her shoulder with one, while the other held Ren’s phone. She held them out, allowing him to enter further into the bar. Standing in front of one of the empty stools, he grabbed a hold of his jacket and tossed it on the seat. His phone however he kept in hand, remembering why it was taken from his pocket.

He opened the camera yet again taking his final set of images.

“Saving this moment? I appreciate you like it enough,” Lala’s words held obvious gratitude. Ren was happy to oblige.

“What, none with us?” Ohya teased. Even if she only meant it half-seriously, Ren thought it was a good idea. He adjusted his pose and his camera and held it out to fit both Ohya and Lala in the shot. The three of them leaned in as close as they could without ruining Ren’s artistic composition.

After snapping a few, he nodded with satisfaction. He was about to put his phone away, but his inspiration just couldn't end there. He spun his stool around, taking a seat as he fiddled with his phone’s home screen. Lala might not have wanted strangers to see him in the bar but she didn't say anything about familiar people over text.

He opened up his messenger, selecting one of the pictures he just took of himself alone and sending it to his fellow Phantom Thieves. He added no text to accompany the image. He wanted to see his friend’s initial reactions. Even though it was late for some, it was not late for a group of teenagers, so it took only a moment for the first responses to come in.

Ann: Who is that?

Ryuji: I don’t know

Ryuji: She’s cute though

Ann: You really just said that about some random girl

Ann: You’re unbelievable

Yusuke: Your superficiality was always known but to stoop this low...

Futaba: Why are you such a perv Ryuji

Ryuji: I just said she was cute! 

Ryuji: That’s not perverted at all!

Makoto: Did Ren leave his phone somewhere?

Makoto: It looks like she took this picture just to send to us.

Haru: Regardless, I think she is gorgeous

Ren laughed to himself, their reactions about on par with what he expected. He decided he could answer Makoto’s question without ruining the game.

Ren: I took the picture

Haru: Oh, so you know this lady?

Ryuji: Dude, did you go on a date without letting any of us know?!

Ren rolled his eyes at Ryuji’s assumption. Outside of the Crossroads, he had been dropping hint after hint to Ryuji that he wasn't romantically interested in any woman at the time and yet he still acted like Ren’s love life was a mystery. He knew he could keep the guessing game going, but he also knew it wouldn't be for that much longer. Plus, he had the perfect way to end it, a way that would embarrass Ryuji for being so airheaded. He looked through his most recent pictures and pulled up one he took back in the dressing room. His real face was visible and he was wearing the same kimono as the ‘girl’ in the first picture so there was almost no way his friends wouldn't figure out who it was. The first responses proved him correct.

Ann: Omg

Futaba: HA YOU STILL THINK SHE'S CUTE NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHO IT IS?

Yusuke: It must be said, you make a beautiful woman Ren

Makoto: I don’t think anyone is going to disagree with that 

Haru: Except maybe Ryuji

Haru: His masculinity is the only thing he’ll defend wholeheartedly

Ann: Well Ryuji? You gonna disagree with all of us just to save face?

Ryuji: I mean...

Ryuji: Ren was always kinda pretty

Ren nearly choked on his own saliva while reading Ryuji’s admission. The last thing he expected to get from this was his best friend calling him attractive outside of drag. He didn't even know how to respond to it. He didn't get to in a timely manner either, since as soon as he began thinking, a dramatic cough came from behind him.

Lala was staring disapprovingly. “What did I tell you about tricking people?” she interrogated. Ren assumed she had managed to read the messages he had sent since he wasn't exactly being secretive about them. He would have been mad but he knew Lala had reason to be concerned and that she wouldn't do it in the future.

“They’re my friends,” he justified. “Can you make an exception this one time?”

“Yeah, Lala-chan,” Ohya spoke up from the sidelines. “Don't be such a party pooper.”

Lala silently resigned, returning to her business of monitoring Ohya’s beverage intake. Ren rarely felt satisfied after interacting with Ohya or Lala, but that evening he did. Whether it was Ohya finally getting her reporting spark back or Lala finally opening up, he knew he had succeeded in helping them. Not many people helped out of the kindness of their heart, and even if his deals didn't start that way, that’s how they always ended. He smiled, face beaten for the gods, as his two companions had their first happy conversation in recent memory.

He turned his attention to his phone, unanswered messages from his friends lighting up the screen. All of them yelling at Ryuji for his unfortunate comment. He mustered a response as that ever-present, ever familiar voice tried getting his full attention from within his subconscious. He ignored it, knowing full well it would be back during yet another friendly interaction.

* * *

Rank Up!

Drag Queen: Gives disguises to all party members, increases duration to 3 turns

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometime in the future, a link will be here. What for? A surprise of course.


End file.
